Rebel

I guess I should blog about Patrick. :)

The first few years of our marriage Patrick didn't do to well in the driving department.  He got in lots of accidents and got a ticket.  Long story short we both agreed that maybe a scooter was the better vehicle for him.

Since he's had the scooter...a few years...he's become a MUCH better driver.  He is more aware of everything around him.  I even feel a little bit better letting him drive the car.  

Although the scooter has treated him very well, it is a bit slow.  He holds up traffic a lot and it takes him longer to get to work.  For his birthday he got lots of $$$ and decided he wanted to take the motorcycle course.  I told him ok as long as it meant he was just getting a bigger scooter.  As you can see that was not the case!!  He passed and of course loved the motorcycle feel.  He finally convinced me to let him get a bike.  The first few days I was very worried, but the couple weeks he's had it he's showed me that he is very careful.  He loves keeping up with traffic now too. :)

~Enjoy~

First ride on the bike

I have to park the car weird now so he has a place to put it...we so need to get out of apartments!!

Bodies

Our bodies are wonderful things.  But when things happen and you don't have any control over what your body is doing it is a VERY scary thing.  

For about 7 months now I have had panic disorder.  It's something I've never had before and it just came on one day.  I was at the store by myself and all of a sudden I felt like I was going to pass out.  My heart was racing, I was sweating like crazy, I was shaky and everything was blurry. I honestly thought I was having a heart attack.  I dropped everything and went to the car.  I called Patrick and he had to talk me all the way home.  When I got home I was bawling and went right to my bed.  I felt dizzy and I didn't know what was going on.  Finally, I fell asleep.  The next morning I was still feeling weird so I went to Urgent Care.  They also thought it was a heart thing and did tons of blood work and an EKG.  Of course everything was normal. (that made me feel even worse!)  So for the next 2 weeks I still felt very funny and went to an ENT doc thinking it was vertigo...it wasn't.  I finally went to my regular doc and told him everything that was going on. He immediately said it was panic disorder.  Ok, what does that mean?  He said it is something that comes on for now reason, has no logic to it and can go away just as fast as it came.  He put me on a medication that I was to take only when I felt the panic coming or if I knew I was going to be somewhere that triggered it.  I mostly found it to happen when I was around large groups of people...store, church, park.  Up until 2 weeks ago it has been working pretty well.  

I started getting very tired.  I couldn't hardly go anywhere without feeling like I was just going to pass out.  At church I had to sit in the foyer because my heart was beating so bad I could hardly move.  The only place I felt ok was at home laying down.  Samantha got strep and so I took her to Urgent Care and had them check me too.  They did more blood work and said they would call me in 2-3 days.  Well, the next morning they called and said my thyroid level was elevated and to make an appointment with my regular doc.  This morning was the appointment and this is what I found out.  My panic has gotten so bad that it is now anxiety.  I have been feeling so tired because I've been anxious every day!  After hearing all of this it totally makes sense!  Having the attacks are so hard on my body.  I now have to take meds every day.  I'll try it for 2 weeks and report back to my doc.  He is very confident that everything I am experiencing is related to the anxiety.  At this point he isn't that worried about my thyroid but says he'll check it again in 3 months.  I am just so greatfull that we have docs to figure things out.  I have been so worried that something more serious was wrong.  Yes, anxiety is serious but is very treatable.  

I'm happy to know that I will be back to normal soon and be able to do more things.  This has really halted all my fun plans and activities with my kids.  I feel like I can't go anywhere without feeling like I'm going to die.  As my doc said, if you've never had it, you'll never get/understand it.  This isn't something people normally talk about.  I want to get it out there so everyone can know what is going on.  I don't expect anyone to fully understand what it's like to have it.  I just needed to vent.  I'm glad we figured it out now so hopefully we can have a great summer with friends and family!!